Secrets and Shadows

I'm a high school teacher, let's call me Mr. Lee. I've been with my girlfriend for five years now, we met when she was a college student and I was her professor. It's never crossed any ethical lines, but there are always these lingering doubts at the back of my mind about how people might see us. We started off as just friends, talking online about everything except what we were both thinking about: sex. She had a playful side that I found attractive, she loved to tease me and make me blush with her dirty talk. We'd send each other flirty messages late at night when everyone else was asleep, but we never acted on it. Then one day, after a particularly steamy conversation, we decided to finally take the plunge. It was magical, intense, something I had never experienced before in my life. Since then, our relationship has been full of kinks and fantasies that keep us both intrigued and excited. But outside of our private moments, she's still just someone's girlfriend, a student turned woman in my eyes. I love her deeply, more than anything, but there are times when I feel so lonely, like I'm living two different lives with no way to connect them. When we're together, it feels as if the rest of the world doesn't exist. But then I go back to work and everyone sees me differently, I can sense their judgment in the air. Yesterday was particularly bad. A parent approached me after school about a student's progress, but all I could think about were the marks she left on my skin from our morning playtime. It felt so wrong for such private moments to invade public space like that. So here I am, confessing anonymously because I need to know if anyone else struggles with this or if it's just me who can't reconcile passion and profession.