Hidden Desires

I've been a stay-at-home parent for the past few years now, and I thought everything was fine. But lately, these dark thoughts have been creeping into my mind, making me feel so ashamed of myself. It started when I began watching certain kinds of videos that made me realize there's something inside me craving more than just casual fun, it's about discipline, control, and power dynamics that go beyond what I've ever shared with anyone before. The idea of submitting to someone in a way where they can guide me like I'm younger or even in need of stricter guidance, that thought terrifies but also excites me deeply. It's not just sex; it's about feeling vulnerable and protected at the same time, something I never imagined wanting so strongly. I've been keeping all this hidden from everyone because I fear what others would think if they knew how much I actually crave these kinds of experiences. Part of me wonders if there are others out there who feel similarly and maybe even have found ways to express such desires healthily. Am I the only one, or is it possible that some people find a way to embrace this part of themselves openly? If you've had similar feelings, please share your stories with me, I need to know if what I'm feeling is normal.