exploring my urges

so i recently got divorced and have been trying to figure out why im suddenly into this dd/lg stuff. it started cuz i was taking care of some friends kid, you know the type where u gotta be the responsible one, set rules and all. something about being in that role made me feel like maybe its not so bad to let someone else make decisions for me sometimes. then one night after a long day at work with no adult company but this kids dad who was always busy on his phone, i got home and just laid down on my bed fully clothed with this weird sense of wanting someone to take care of me too. not in like a needy way but more like an intense physical craving for some sort of guidance or protection. it felt good to fantasize about having a daddy figure who would punish me if i was bad, make me kneel and beg before he fuckd me hard. the idea of being told what to wear or how to act just turned me on so much. im not sure how this fits in my life yet but its been hard to ignore