My Secret with Daddy's Caregiver

I still can't believe how far I let things go. It was a few months ago when it started to unravel. You see, after my daddy passed away, his caregiver took care of me, both emotionally and physically. She's in her 30s, but there’s something about the way she looks at me that makes me feel like I’m still under his wing, safe and loved. She moved into our house to help with everything from cooking meals to keeping track of my medication schedule. I think what started it all was how comforting her presence became in such a short time. One night, as we were cleaning up after dinner, she asked me if I had any specific needs regarding his belongings or anything left behind. I froze, and that's when she did something so unexpected: She pulled me into a hug, holding me tightly until the shaking stopped. That moment felt like everything was okay again. As days passed, her support grew stronger, leading to more intimate interactions that I wasn't sure were appropriate but couldn’t resist. It started with small touches, a hand on my back while she guided me somewhere, fingers intertwined when we held hands for comfort, but it didn't stay small for long. One evening, after helping me through a particularly tough day of mourning, we ended up in the guest bedroom, both of us unsure what was going to happen next. I remember her saying something along the lines of needing to take care of me, that I shouldn’t worry about anything else but letting myself be cared for. And then it happened; she kissed me gently before we slipped into a bed together, our bodies seeking comfort and solace in each other's warmth. The memory of that night still haunts me now. Was it wrong? We both knew the risks and consents were given freely between two adults above 18+. But there’s this lingering doubt, I’m his only child, and she was taking care of me, not just physically but emotionally too. I’ve been avoiding her ever since, unsure how to move forward knowing what happened. Now here I am, confessing it all, confused about my feelings, worried about the boundaries we crossed without fully realizing where they were drawn. It’s been months, and I haven’t found closure or a way back to normalcy.