Hidden Desires

I can hardly bring myself to write this, but I've been struggling with something for months now. You see, I'm a grad student trying to balance my dissertation and my personal life. It's all about the pressure of academia right now, really. But there’s this one thing that keeps haunting me in the quiet moments when I should be studying or working on research. I keep having these fantasies where I regress into a little role under someone else’s guidance. At other times, I imagine myself taking care of a submissive partner like an older sister would. It's bizarre and feels wrong, but there it is. These thoughts aren't helping with my mental health at all, they're overwhelming me. Sometimes, when I try to focus on my work, these images just flood back in. I don't know how long I can keep this up without talking about it somewhere, or acting on it somehow. It's like a double-edged sword that’s sharpening every day with more guilt and shame attached.