Tangled Up In Guilt And Love

I've been feeling this massive weight on my chest lately. It's hard to breathe under it all. My name is Mark and I'm in a DDLG relationship with Sarah, who is twenty-six and has been my girl for over three years now. We started off pretty standard, dinner dates, movies, the usual stuff, but then she expressed interest in trying out some roleplay ideas. I was hesitant at first, but when she told me how it made her feel loved and taken care of, something clicked inside me. It wasn't just about getting turned on anymore; it became a way for us to connect more deeply. So we dove into it headfirst. Rules, limits, the works. She's always been very respectful of my boundaries too, so there was never any real fear of crossing lines that shouldn't be crossed. But here's where I start feeling like crap about everything: one day, while we were in the middle of an intense roleplay session, I said something. Not out loud, but a thought that slipped through to her somehow, I accused her of only loving me because she wants to play this game. I didn't mean it! It was just a fleeting moment where my insecurities got the better of me and all these old doubts came crashing down on top of me again. The look on Sarah's face when she heard it... She looked hurt, confused, like maybe I had thrown away something truly precious to her. I tried to backtrack immediately, explain that wasn't what I meant at all, but the damage was done. We ended up having a really long talk about where we're headed and how our dynamics might be affecting us in ways neither of us were aware of until now. It's been days since then and while things are better, there’s still this lingering tension that makes me question if I'm good enough for her. I shouldn't have said it, I know that, but it also feels like such a relief to get it off my chest, even if only here in these words. This is just one of those times where you wonder if you made the right choice by being so open and honest about your feelings, or if you might've messed everything up for good.