Conflicted Hearts and DDLG Dynamics

After my recent divorce, I've been struggling to find a new sense of direction in life. My ex-wife and I were never the type to dive into kink or roleplay until after we separated. It's strange how certain things seem more appealing when you're single again, maybe it's just escapism. My partner now is someone I met online, and he plays as a strict caregiver while I take on the little or sub role. We've been exploring DDLG dynamics, which has brought both joy and turmoil into my life. On one hand, there’s comfort in being taken care of, feeling protected and loved. It's something I never really had much of during my marriage. But here’s where it gets complicated: part of me feels like this is a step back, revisiting the neediness that defined some troubled parts of my younger self. It's not a conscious desire to regress; rather, it's an adult choice to explore different facets of intimacy and power dynamics. I know there’s no going back, no pretending to be anyone other than who I am today. Yet sometimes it feels like I'm living someone else's fantasy. The rawness of these sessions, the vulnerability they demand from me, it's exhausting but strangely refreshing too. The caregiver takes his role seriously; there are clear rules and boundaries set forth, and while it’s not always easy to follow them, we both know it’s crucial for mutual trust and respect. There’s something profoundly honest about this arrangement that my previous relationship never offered. Yet as much as I cherish these moments of being looked after, part of me wonders if I'm seeking solace in a way that could hurt others later on. Is there room for growth beyond the caregiver/little dynamic? Can this just be another chapter in self-discovery rather than my entire story moving forward? I guess all I really need to do is breathe through these emotions, appreciate the moments of happiness while acknowledging their complexity. Maybe one day, everything will fall into place more naturally.