miss her so much

i was this tiny kinked up girl in my 20s and got into a thing with an older guy who really dug that whole mommy/daddy dynamic. we clicked right away, him being daddy and me his little momma pet. it was intense and hot but there was always this undercurrent of sadness for me. i felt like i wasn't good enough, like he wanted to take care of me in a way no one else ever had or would. we'd do all these roleplays where i'd be the kid needing his protection and guidance. sometimes it got really rough, him spanking me hard until my ass was red and sore. but even through all that pain i loved how close he made me feel. now hes gone and i miss those moments so much. i try not to think about them too much but they haunt me.