Conflicted Heart

I'm a professor in my fifties, a switch who sometimes explores little space and other times takes on the caregiver role. It feels so intense, yet confusing too. Yesterday, I was with someone as both our little selves, playing out fantasies that left me feeling small but safe. But then today, I found myself wanting to be the protector, guiding him instead. This constant flip-flopping is draining. Is it normal for a switch like me to feel so torn? What advice do you have?