feeling small

i work at this coffee shop and this one regular guy is like my age play partner or whatever. hes into little stuff so i go along with it cos im kinda lonely for someone to be there for me. we have our own secret language and everything, but sometimes i feel really small, not just in the good playful way but deep down. does that make sense? i love him for caring but its hard being a little all the time. anyone else ever feel this way or know how to cope?