A Doctor's Secret Sadness

I never thought I'd be confessing this here. It feels strange even typing it out. I'm a doctor, you wouldn't think someone in my position would need to write such things, but here I am. Been playing Daddy with my submissive for almost a year now, and it's like... it fills some void inside me that nothing else ever has. She's so young compared to me, in her twenties while I'm pushing fifty. It sounds terrible saying it out loud like this, but the way she looks up at me, those wide eyes that see me as more than just a doctor... it makes something inside of me feel whole. I should be happy, right? Having someone who sees you that way, someone so trusting and willing to give over control. But every time we're apart, there's this loneliness that creeps in. I know what they say about kinks and relationships, how one person's submission can make the other feel powerful, dominant even. It works like magic sometimes. But there are moments when it feels... insufficient? Like no matter how much she relies on me here, outside of these walls I'm still just alone with my thoughts. I didn't want to admit that before. I had this idea that if I was good at Daddy in the lifestyle, maybe I'd find a way to be content elsewhere too. But there's something missing, and it doesn't feel like something she can fill for me. It's not her fault, far from it. She's more than wonderful, truly one of a kind. So here's where I am now: trying to figure out how to balance this incredible connection we have with the feeling that something deeper is eluding me. Sometimes when I look at my calendar filled with patient appointments and the monotony of daily rounds, it just feels so hollow compared to what I share with her. I guess what I'm really confessing today isn't about how amazing it all is, I know that's true as much as anyone can be sure about these things. No, this confession is more about admitting to myself and others there might not ever be a simple answer to the loneliness I feel even in my happiest moments.