My Secret Shame

I’ve always been the kind of person who’s looked down upon for my love of being a Daddy in my adult relationships. The feeling of guiding another person, nurturing them like they’re younger than me, it’s something I’ve cherished since before I met my partner. But let's not go there, shall we? We’ll stick to today, which was particularly telling of how this dynamic can sometimes take an unexpected turn. We had a day planned for creativity and relaxation, something about painting together, bonding through art. But the moment she walked in with that eager expression, I knew it wasn’t just another ordinary creative session. She wanted something more from me today. There was a shift, a desire for a bit of discipline mixed in with our playful banter. It’s hard to describe exactly what happened because every time I try to pin down the specifics, my thoughts drift off into some vague worry about how this looks from the outside. The truth is, there are moments when she needs that guidance, I mean, she asks for it, and I find myself stepping up to provide what feels like both love and correction. Yet admitting even this much leaves me feeling exposed and somewhat shameful. It’s not something I talk about openly or with anyone other than her. This is my secret shame, a part of who I am that I struggle to reconcile, even if it means understanding myself a little better.