...I'm So Ashamed...

Ever since I started college, there's this strange thing that keeps happening... I find myself looking up to my caregiver, this older woman who helps with some of the house duties and keeps an eye on me when my parents are away. It feels odd because we've never been close before, but now... she's like a maternal figure to me. Every time she scolds me or reminds me of deadlines or responsibilities, I feel a weird mix of shame and... longing? ...It's embarrassing. There have been moments when I wanted to do exactly what she told me not to just so that she would notice me more. Lately, though, this has gotten even weirder, when we're alone, I find myself watching her closely, noticing the small details about her: how she carries herself, the way she speaks with authority... It makes my heart race and my palms sweat every time. I don't know what to make of these feelings. Are they normal? Should I tell someone else about this? What if it's something unhealthy that needs fixing? ...Please let me know if you've experienced anything similar or have any advice for me...