feeling lost

hey there everyone, its me again. i've been feeling really out of it lately and just had to share this one thing that happened last week. so im a retail worker at the mall, kind of a small town place but with all the big stores you know? anywho i was down in the stock room alone late night shift, just me n my thoughts, when sara came by, our new manager from corporate who's in her twenties. she's real nice but also has this serious look sometimes that makes me feel like a kid again. we've been flirting around for a while, teasing each other with titles and rules of the workplace. one night i just couldn't take it anymore, felt so lost n confused about everything, asked if she'd be my teacher and help guide me through some rough patches. she got this strange look in her eye, like she saw right past all that facade we've built up over weeks, and agreed to do a scene where shes the teacher n im the student. i had been wanting to play little again, but also felt ready to be the caregiver for once too. it was intense, real hands on stuff with toys n stuff. i ended feeling both vulnerable yet stronger somehow, like i could face anything if she was by my side. not sure what this means for us at work, just needed to get that off my chest.