Struggling with My Inner Demons

I've always felt like there's this part of me that wants to be taken care of, but I never knew how to express it. It started a few weeks ago when a classmate at law school shared something similar in our small study group chat. He mentioned he was into kink stuff and role-play with his partner as a way to manage stress. It sparked something inside me, a yearning to feel protected, to let go of the burdens I carry every day. So last weekend, I took a chance. After talking it over with my boyfriend for days, we decided to give age-play a try. He agreed to be my teacher and take care of me. But the moment we started... I felt like such an imposter. The idea of being obedient or little made me feel exposed and vulnerable, not just physically, but emotionally too. Despite that, when he initiated our session, something inside me snapped free. Allowing myself to be disciplined in a playful yet strict way was incredibly liberating. It's hard admitting this, because it feels so foreign compared to who I think others see me as. But for the first time, I let go of being responsible and just... felt. The experience helped me confront some deep insecurities about not measuring up or failing at things, by letting someone else lead, I saw that's okay sometimes. It was scary, but it also made sense in a way nothing else has.