... A Secret I Keep ...

I've kept this secret for so long... it feels like a part of me that's always been hidden. Just recently, I admitted to myself that I have this weird kink... I mean, not weird for other people who know about it, but definitely weird for someone in my position - married with kids and responsibilities... The thought scares me, makes me feel small again, like I'm back in a place where I don't belong. It's hard to admit even to myself that sometimes, when we're alone, I fantasize about him being the dominant one... not just once or twice but often. The idea of submitting completely to someone who understands this side of me terrifies and excites me at the same time... There are times when all I want is for him to take control over everything - my body, my desires, my decisions. To be treated like a naughty child that needs discipline... It's not something I can discuss openly with anyone or even my spouse... But every day it feels more real and undeniable, this need to let go completely of the mask I wear in public and embrace who I am deep down... This is my secret - one that I hope never comes out...