A Secret I've Kept Too Long

I’ve been struggling with this for a while now. You know how people talk about finding their kink? Well, it’s not something you find overnight or even over months, it's more like a slow realization that sneaks up on you when you least expect it. Recently, I admitted to myself that I’m into DDLG, a dynamic where someone takes care of me as if I were younger than my years would suggest. It feels odd saying this because I’ve always seen those kinds of relationships in a negative light, almost like they’re something only immature people are interested in. But here I am, in my early twenties, and I’ve been secretly exploring these feelings with someone who understands and shares them. It’s hard to admit this even to myself, let alone put it into words. The shame is overwhelming, I feel as though admitting this means I’m not mature enough, that there’s something wrong with me for wanting such a dynamic. But the truth is, when we’re together like this, it feels incredibly freeing and intimate. It’s not about any kind of real regression to childhood or anything non-consensual, it's all very clear between us that we're adults making an adult decision to engage in roleplay. I haven’t told anyone about my kink outside of a trusted few, and even then, I’m incredibly vague when discussing it. The idea of being fully open with people scares me because they might see me differently once they know. Yet, the more I immerse myself in this kind of play, the less strange it feels and the more comfortable I become with my desires. There’s no specific moment or scene to describe that changed everything, I just woke up one day and realized how much I wanted something different from my usual sexual encounters. It’s all very new for me still, but already I feel like this secret is taking a toll on me mentally. So today, after months of wrestling with it, I decided to type out these words, to acknowledge that this kink exists within me, whether others understand or not. I hope that by admitting this in some anonymous space, I can start to embrace who I truly am without the fear of judgment.