Confessions of a Coding Little

So here I am, typing out my confession as if it's some sort of bizarre adult fantasy. Let me preface this with the fact that I'm in my mid-thirties and have a fairly successful career in software engineering. But there are these moments, sometimes when I least expect them, during meetings, while coding, even driving to work, where I just feel like... well, let's not get into specifics yet. I first tried this dynamic with someone back in my twenties. She was a few years older than me and had been involved in DDLG before. At the time, it felt strange but also oddly comforting, like finding a missing puzzle piece that I didn't know I needed. We'd play for months, sometimes weeks on end, before deciding to take a break. Now here's where things get complicated. I'm not sure if I've ever truly left the 'little' space behind. It's been years since then and while I don't actively seek out similar partners, there are moments when... okay, fine, let's call it what it is: there are moments when I feel like I need to be reminded of my place. There are certain words she would say that just hit a nerve in me; they make me feel small (in the best possible way) and protected. The irony isn't lost on me either, here's this guy who spends most of his day sitting at a desk with computers and code, but when it comes to relationships, I'm like... what's the right term? A little something or other? Anyway, back to reality. For years after our breakup, I managed fine by myself without these dynamics, focusing on my career and hobbies. But every now and then, an old feeling creeps in, and I start wondering if it's normal for adults to sometimes crave this kind of role-playing. Or am I just a weirdo who should stick with his coding?