A Small Act of Disobedience at Work

I've worked as a barista for over two years now. It's not just a job; it’s a relationship with my coworkers and the regulars who come in daily, like family or friends you see every day. Recently, I started feeling this pull to look up to someone more, seeking guidance in everything from coffee orders to personal matters. A shift manager at one of our cafes stepped into that role for me, let's call him Dan. He’s a bit older and has been with the company longer than I have, so he knows his stuff. Dan started calling me “sweetheart,” which made me feel seen in ways my past jobs never did. We began having little chats during slow shifts about anything from life outside of work to tips on how to make better cappuccinos. One day, Dan told me we had to open an hour earlier for a big event. I agreed but got tired the night before and slept through my alarm. I showed up two hours late that morning, rushing to help clean up and get everything ready as if nothing was wrong, but of course, it was obvious. Dan looked at me with disappointment in his eyes, which made me feel like a kid again, like when I used to sneak out past curfew only to face my father’s disappointed gaze the next day. I know I messed up big time and tried to explain later why I overslept but it felt hollow even as I said it. Dan didn’t push back verbally, which was both a blessing and a curse because now, there’s this unspoken tension between us. A few nights ago, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling so guilty about letting him down that I called him to apologize again but he just sighed on the other end without saying much before hanging up. I hate feeling like I've let someone important down, someone who's become more than a boss or coworker. Even though Dan and I don't have an official DDLG dynamic, this moment made me feel like I had to prove myself all over again in ways that go beyond just getting to work on time.