Been Playing Nurse and Patient with My Partner... It's Not What You Think Though

So I'm this nurse guy in my 30s. Got into this kinky stuff recently, but it feels weird to call it that. Don't know what else to say about myself really. Just found out there are websites where you can write your secrets anonymously and thought maybe it'd help me figure things out a bit. Anyway, the story starts with me meeting my partner a couple years back. She's in her 20s and we've been good friends for quite some time before anything happened between us. Now she’s someone I care about deeply but there's also something else going on. So... yeah, it's complicated. Lately I've been exploring this side of me that wants to be a nurse in a relationship setting, not like in hospitals or anything, but more as an emotional support thing for my partner. And she's into it too which is wild because usually I’d just assume someone wouldn't understand such odd quirks. But there’s this weird feeling inside when we role-play and stuff. It’s hard to explain. Like I feel protective of her and want to take care of all her problems but in a way that feels more intimate than it should, right? Sometimes I wonder if she's just playing along or if she really wants me for who I am. We’ve never actually done anything too out there except talk about it and pretend sometimes. But even talking can be intense. I think she’s attracted to the idea of being cared for in this way but that doesn't mean she isn’t scared by it either, just like I might be. So here we are. Neither of us knows where it will lead or if any of this is real between us outside these make-believe scenarios. I'm trying not to overthink it too much because honestly, some nights the uncertainty makes me feel so alone even though she's right beside me.