feeling lost in my fantasies

i been thinking a lot about my dynamic with urs lately. we've been doing this for years and it's just getting stronger. but i feel like every time i step into that little space, part of me stays behind. i love being taken care of, feeling safe and loved in ways other parts of life dont offer. but then there's the guilt and confusion too. am i just using urs to fill a void? or is this something real between us? my head gets all twisted up sometimes trying to figure it out. any advice? is this normal for couples like us?