The Loneliness of Control

I've always been the one in control, even when I play Mommy to my partner. It started a few years ago as a way to explore our relationship dynamics and ended up becoming an integral part of who we are together. But lately, there's this undercurrent of sadness that accompanies these sessions. As much as I love being the disciplinarian, the protector, the nurturer in this role-play, it's also isolating. It feels like every time I take on Mommy duties, a piece of my own life is put on hold. My partner looks up to me for guidance and support, but outside of these moments, we often struggle with intimacy and connection. I wish there was a way to bridge this gap between our 'mommy-play' world and reality, where I can be both the authority figure he needs and the loving partner he deserves without losing myself in the process.