Confused by My Desires Tonight

I've been working the bar all night, and tonight felt especially confusing. I'm a bartender by trade, but lately, there's this strange pull within me that confounds everything. Sometimes, when I'm helping someone get ready for their big night out, or maybe just talking to them about something mundane, I feel like I need to be more than just the bartender, I mean, in ways beyond work stuff. It's not exactly clear what 'more' means, but it has a lot to do with this odd mix of wanting to take care of someone and also feeling...little? I remember one night when my hands were shaking as I prepared drinks for a regular who always seems so put together. He looked at me oddly, like he could see right through the facade. That's when it hit me: deep down, despite my adult life, there's this little kid in me that just wants to be taken care of once in a while. The irony isn't lost on me; I often find myself drawn towards those who might need someone looking out for them, whether they're adults or not. There’s this internal struggle where part of me wants to be the caregiver and another part wants...I don’t even know what that is sometimes. Maybe it's just being pampered in a way I never really experienced as an 18+ adult. Tonight was different though, when a customer came in with such a troubled look on their face, I felt compelled to take them under my wing. Before the night ended, we found ourselves talking about things that usually stay behind closed doors and out of bar chatter. We didn't do anything drastic or even physical, just words, but there was something charged in the air. Maybe tonight was a turning point. Maybe I should start exploring these feelings more actively instead of hiding them away like some kind of secret shame. It's not as if I've never thought about it before, but seeing someone vulnerable and reaching out for comfort made me realize how much I want to be that person too.