A Secret I Barely Dare Admit

I've been struggling with this secret for months now. It started innocently enough, exploring a bit of age play during my early 20s when I was experimenting with various kinks and roles. But then it became something more intense, darker even. One night, I found myself completely dominated by my partner, who took on the role of an older authority figure, stern, strict, and utterly in control. The power dynamics felt overwhelming but strangely exhilarating. We used a fake ID to make me appear younger than I am, which heightened the fantasy for both of us. The sensations were intense: being spanked with a paddle while he lectured me about my behavior, feeling humiliated yet oddly satisfied by his demands and punishments. It's so embarrassing that I can barely bring myself to type this out, what if someone I know reads it? I feel like such a dirty person for enjoying these things, but the truth is, I crave the intensity of being under complete control in ways that scare me. This confession feels necessary because keeping all of this inside has been suffocating.