Grad School and an Unexpected Turn for Roleplay

So yeah, I'm a grad student at a pretty big research university in my mid-twenties. Always had it together, or so I thought. Now, I've gotten into this weird role-play kink thing that has me feeling more like...well, less in control than I ever have before. Not complaining mind you, but definitely confused. It started when a friend of mine mentioned an online community for folks interested in different forms of adult roleplay and relationship dynamics. Figured what the hell, checked it out. Found this one sub-forum with discussions on DDLG and various age-play scenarios, all within adult boundaries of course. Got to know some people there and started seeing how others were approaching these things, which was actually pretty interesting. After a while, I decided to try something myself, just for the experience. I reached out to someone from that community who seemed compatible with my interests in light, playful DDLG scenarios, nothing too intense or anything. We talked it over and agreed on some ground rules. I'd take on an 'older sister' role, while they wanted to play a younger sibling. All consensual, explicit about everything beforehand. The actual sessions started pretty awkwardly but slowly got better as we both relaxed into the roles. I was definitely still figuring things out and trying not to be too overbearing or inappropriate, that's always been my main concern. Still, it felt surprisingly natural after a while, especially when there were moments of genuine connection beyond just the play. Now, here's where I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable about it all. I've gotten into this space where I don't know if I'm actually shifting to being more controlling or if that's just my anxiety talking. It’s a weird place to be, academically I’m on top of things, but with this role-play stuff...I feel like I'm not quite sure who is in charge anymore. This was the confession part for me. Just felt like it was time to write down what's been going through my head. Not looking for advice or anything, just trying to understand where all these thoughts are coming from and what they mean for me moving forward.