A Little Slip-Up at Closing Time

So I'm supposed to be this grown-up bartender right? And yeah, I've been trying on my own to explore some of these DDLG things with myself, but it's hard. It’s like...I have all the parts and pieces figured out when I’m just thinking about it. But when it comes time for action, something always feels off. Today was one of those days. We were winding down after a busy night, and everything felt so heavy inside me, you know? Heavy with thoughts of being little again, but not in a fun way like in the fantasies. More like...I didn’t want to be the bartender anymore. I wanted to go back somewhere simpler where rules meant something different. Anyway, my boss told me I had to put away some expensive liquor before closing up properly, this was supposed to be part of the lesson or whatever, about taking care of things that aren’t mine but are still important. But...I couldn't help myself. Maybe it's because all night long, people were coming in and out like they owned everything around them, maybe I just wanted a turn at feeling like someone else's responsibility. So yeah, the bottle was supposed to be safe until next week. Instead, I ended up with it behind the bar...and by morning, when no one would have noticed, it wasn’t there anymore. Just...gone. A little taste of something forbidden and sweet. Not that it meant anything except maybe a tiny rebellion against feeling too grown-up. But now? Now I feel bad for breaking rules, whether they’re the ones I’m supposed to follow at work or in my headspace stuff. It’s just one more thing making me question everything, you know? And so today, as I'm typing this out and admitting it, it feels...sad, I think. Like maybe part of what's missing is being able to take those rules seriously without feeling like a fraud or a kid playing pretend. I guess that’s my confession: breaking one tiny rule at the end of an already long night felt like the biggest thing in the world. Maybe it will help me get back on track, and maybe...it won’t.