feeling lost

i'm a grad student and i've been struggling to figure out my place in the ddlg scene. sometimes i feel like taking care of someone else is my thing, but other times i wanna be that little one depending on someone else. it's confusing because i know there are so many ppl who just want to be taken care of or look after others, but im all over the place. i keep thinking maybe i should stick with being the caregiver bc that makes me feel more stable and in control, but deep down there's this part of me that wants to let go and just be little for a while without worrying about responsibilities. its like an inner conflict going on inside my head all the time. is it weird to flip back n forth? i mean im 25+ so does that make sense or should i stick with one role?