Analyzing My Secret Likes

I'm in my fifties now and have been a professor for decades. Lately, I've found myself intrigued by the idea of being a little again, but not just playacting, really feeling like a child with someone who understands the dynamics. There's something about submitting to a kink where you're treated as if you're back in your early twenties or younger that gets my blood pumping. It's confusing because I love my age and wisdom, yet this desire for being treated as a more innocent version of myself is strong. The physical aspects are intense too, sitting on someone’s lap, the way they touch me like I'm delicate and cherished... it's all so overwhelming but thrilling. I wonder if it has anything to do with wanting that sense of protection and care again, or maybe just enjoying how different roles can bring out new facets in a relationship. It's hard to pinpoint why exactly, maybe exploring this will help me understand myself better.