Mommy's Secret Shame

I can hardly admit this to myself, let alone anyone else. For the past few months, I've found myself secretly turning to a specific type of age play with my partner, something that feels so taboo and wrong yet also strangely right in our dynamic. We call it 'Mommy Play,' where I take on an authoritative role as a nurturing but strict mother figure, guiding him through punishments like grounding or taking away his favorite toys if he misbehaves. It's not something we talk about outside of the bedroom, and I feel so ashamed every time we indulge in these fantasies. The truth is, deep down, there's this part of me that craves being needed and respected as a parent figure. It's confusing because on one hand, I'm proud to be a real mom in life, but the fantasy world where I'm his protector and disciplinarian seems to fill some void within me. It's exhausting keeping this secret from everyone else, especially him, who has no idea how deeply it affects me.