a little secret

i work from home and this has been my thing lately like a weird kink or something i don't know how to explain it but sometimes when i'm working late at night and tired i get this urge to be treated like a kid again kind of just need some direction and care i end up messaging an older guy online we set ground rules everything is consensual no limits but he's in charge and that feels weirdly good i feel so small and needy with him it's embarrassing sometimes but also makes me work better i don't know how to think about this honestly it freaks me out a bit because what does this mean about me like am i broken or something