figuring myself out

i recently realized i kinda dig this dominatrix thing and it's weird bcause i never thought i would. been married for almost 20 years now and we've always had a good sex life but nothing like this. watched some stuff online one night just to see what it was all about and found myself really into it. tried mentioning it to my wife but she looked at me like i grew an extra head. so here i am trying to figure out why the hell this turned me on now of all times. is it that i secretly always wanted to be submissive or is there some midlife crisis thing going on? not sure what's next but i feel like i need to explore this a bit more