The Little Caregiver Dilemma

I'm this weird switch who's struggled with my identity for a long time. Sometimes I feel so young and carefree it's like being trapped in a child's body, other times I want to be the nurturing one taking care of someone else. It started when I was nineteen, right after college began, found an online community for little-space stuff and felt oddly at home there. Soon enough, roleplaying as both sides became normal. But then, about three years ago, I met this guy who really wanted me to take on the caregiver side exclusively. We had our own dynamic going where he would act like a big kid needing constant care and attention. It was great in theory, lots of hugs, snuggles, and just being there for him. But emotionally, it felt one-sided after a while. I wanted more balance, more mutual support instead of just me always taking care. So one night, we had this big talk about what our relationship meant to each other. He admitted he preferred the one-sidedness because it made him feel special and catered to. But that was hard for me to accept, I needed both sides to be equally engaged, not just me being the caregiver all the time. After that conversation, things changed subtly but noticeably. I felt like an emotional babysitter more than a partner sometimes. We tried mixing in other dynamics occasionally, but nothing ever stuck. The caregiving role was too ingrained by then. Now we're at this weird point where we both want different things from the relationship. He wants me to continue as his caregiver no matter what; I need more of an equal partnership or else it's going to fall apart soon. I'm torn between walking away and trying to find a middle ground, but either way, I feel like I've lost myself in all this roleplaying. This is my first real confession on here, just needed to put it out there somehow.