My Descent into Little Space

I was doing well as a grad student for three years before I fell off track. It started with a series of bad grades and failed attempts to get back on my feet. During this time, I turned to an online community where I discovered DDLG/kink dynamics. Initially, I played the caregiver role out of a need to feel in control, but as things spiraled further at school, I found myself increasingly drawn to the little space. One day, feeling utterly defeated by life, I reached out to a new play partner who was willing to take on the daddy role. At first, it was just text chats and phone calls with soft discipline, which helped me cope in ways I never imagined possible. As time went on, we started meeting up more often, and the dynamic shifted, I began craving more care and guidance than ever before. There were nights when he'd put me to bed as if I was a child, tucking me into my sleeping bag with a stuffed animal and leaving lights on in the room. He would read to me from children's books while I sat at his knee, listening intently and feeling like an anxious five-year-old again. The most intense experience happened recently when we agreed to roleplay going to summer camp together. We rented out a cabin by a lake for a weekend. The whole time there was nothing but playful discipline from him and obedient compliance from me, I'd been instructed not to leave my little room without permission, even for meals. But now back in reality, the sense of security I got from these roleplays is gone, replaced with feelings of inadequacy as a graduate student. Am I just using this dynamic as an escape? Or could there be something more genuine here? How do I reconcile feeling so connected and comforted by little space while still dealing with my academic failures? Am I the asshole for indulging in this fantasy when I should focus on getting my degree back on track?