Feeling Like I'm Twelve Again (Sort Of)

I've been struggling with this for a while now. It all started when I turned thirty and realized that despite being older and wiser, there's still something inside me that wants to regress back to my little self again. Yeah, it sounds weird even to me, but there's just this part of me that finds comfort in the idea of being taken care of like a child. So I started playing with my partner, John, who's really supportive and understanding about all this. We've been together for five years now, so he knows me better than anyone else. When I told him about my fantasies, he was surprisingly okay with it. He even suggested we explore it more deeply as a kind of stress relief or something. We started small, just playing around and talking about how being younger again feels safe. Then one day, things got more intense. We had this big argument where I accidentally let slip that part of me thinks he should be stricter with me, like an older brother would be with his little sister. John was a bit shocked but also intrigued. Afterwards, we decided to push it further. It's been really strange and wonderful in ways I couldn't have imagined. I feel protected and cared for more than ever before, even though it's all just playacting. There are moments when he disciplines me and treats me like the little girl I've always wanted to be inside. It sounds childish but it's not at all embarrassing or humiliating, I actually feel a lot stronger after each session. But there’s still this nagging worry that people would judge us if they knew, which is why I'm sharing anonymously here today. Sometimes it feels like I need to hide who I am from the world outside. I guess what I’m trying to say is that despite all my fears and uncertainties about it, playing little with John has been a profound journey of self-discovery for me. It’s made me confront parts of myself I didn’t even know existed before.