A Code Review Gone Wrong...

I never thought it would come to this... It started out as just another day at the office. I'm a software engineer with responsibilities that extend beyond coding—I care for someone who has autism and can be unpredictable, especially when stressed or overwhelmed. We have an arrangement: they work on projects, and I ensure everything is running smoothly. When things go awry, it's my job to step in and fix them... or administer discipline if necessary. Today was one of those days... The project deadline was looming, and we had fallen behind schedule due to some unexpected issues with the code. Our last review session ended badly—frustration got the better of us both. We ended up yelling at each other instead of fixing the bugs. I tried to calm things down afterward but... it didn't work. They decided to continue working, disregarding our agreement and the need for a break. After a few more hours passed without resolution or improvement, I stepped in once again. This time, however, my patience was gone... I made them stop working, sit on their bed, hands folded behind their head—a form of timeout. They were so agitated that they started crying, which only frustrated me further. After a few minutes of silence, I told them it wasn't enough; they needed to understand the gravity of not adhering to our rules and agreements. So, I brought out a paddle—something we agreed on as part of our arrangement when things escalate. It was supposed to be an extreme last resort, but... today felt different. The first swats were sharp and swift, causing immediate pain that echoed in my mind almost instantly after hitting their skin. They cried harder, not from physical hurt, but the weight of realizing they had pushed me too far. After a few more, I stopped—partly because of them, partly because... I couldn't do it anymore. The thought of continuing felt wrong, even if we'd agreed beforehand. We sat there in silence for what felt like forever before speaking again... Looking back now, I'm not sure if punishing them was the right way to handle things at all. It certainly made an impression on both of us... but did it help? Did it move us forward or just deepen this heavy feeling between us? I don't want to think about whether we should continue like this. But there's no denying that today changed something... ...