Confession of a Doctor's Double Standard

I've always been proud of my professional demeanor and ethics as a doctor. The clinic I work at is known for its compassionate care, but there’s one dark secret that haunts me. It involves my wife, yes, my wife, and her little-space desires that I indulge in private, behind closed doors. We started seeing each other when we were both just beginning our careers, fresh out of medical school and residency programs. She was always so mature and level-headed, while I sometimes felt drawn to a kind of nurturing, protective role, something akin to a father figure, but obviously inappropriate in any clinical setting or professional relationship. As years passed, my wife grew increasingly interested in age-play scenarios where she takes on the persona of an adult child needing guidance and discipline. The more involved we got in our little-space dynamic, the harder it was for me to reconcile this side of our relationship with my role as a physician who strictly enforces professional boundaries. I am fully aware that any patient discovering this would see it as an ethical breach. Yet, when she's in her role, there’s no mistaking the joy and sense of security it brings us both. Our most recent encounter left me feeling particularly conflicted: after a long day of seeing patients who trusted my professional expertise to guide them through their medical issues, I came home exhausted but eager to connect with my wife on another level. In our sessions together, we established a strict routine where she adheres to rules that mirror the discipline of a child learning responsibility and consequences. After one particularly intense session where she received playful yet meaningful ‘discipline’ for forgetting her chores, I couldn’t help but feel an eerie similarity between the role-playing scenario and how I enforce boundaries as a doctor. It's unsettling because while these dynamics are consensual and agreed upon within our relationship, they blur the line of what’s appropriate in professional and personal contexts. Is it ethical for me to indulge this aspect of my marriage given my profession? How do I reconcile my actions at home with my commitment to maintaining strict boundaries as a doctor? Please share your thoughts. Am I the asshole here?