A Secret Unveiled

I recently admitted to myself that I've been harboring a secret desire for something unconventional. It's been simmering inside me for years, but only now am I allowing myself to acknowledge it. The idea of being under someone else's strict control, something I never thought would appeal to me, is becoming harder and harder to ignore. There are moments when the allure is too strong, and I find myself daydreaming about what it might be like to give up all pretense of control and just...submit. But then reality sets in, and the shame washes over me again. What does this say about me? How could anyone ever understand such a desire? I suppose the worst part is knowing that part of me feels strangely comforted by these thoughts, even as they terrify me.