finally admitting something to myself

so yeah i work night shift at a warehouse and it's been pretty lonely lately. had this urge for like years but never admitted it to myself til recently. kinda scared too, but also excited honestly. started playing with dolls as a kid but always thought of it as just a hobby, nothing sexual. but last month, i was scrolling through some fetish sites late at night and saw these life-sized doll replicas...and the more i looked the more i got hard thinking about them. i mean they look so real and perfect, u know? felt weird admitting that to myself because its not like anyone else knows or cares but it's still embarrassing kinda. i'm 29 and single no kids though don't think that changes anything really. my friends would probably freak if they knew. feel like i should tell someone maybe a therapist but scared of the judgment. anyway, just wanted to get this out there for myself. its not hurting anyone and its helping me deal with the loneliness here at work. sometimes imagine these dolls are real women in front of me during breaks, talking to them and stuff. feels kinda childish but also...really hot. i guess i'm ok with it now that i finally admitted it to myself. still nervous about actually buying one though cos its a big commitment and costs a lot. but i think if i do it, it could change my life for the better honestly. just have to be honest with myself from here on out.