conflicted care

ok so i started this thing w a friend last year and it was super intense at first but now i feel stuck. we were both 18+ when we started, just out of high school and into university. she's like a guardian figure to me in this dynamic which can be really good sometimes, makes me feel safe and cared for. but lately i've been wanting more control myself, feeling like the little one isn't enough anymore. every time i try to talk about it, though, she gets super defensive and dismissive. i feel like maybe i'm being unreasonable or selfish for wanting change when i agreed to all this in the first place. we did some role play stuff last night, really intense and close but it didn't resolve anything, just made me more confused. i keep asking myself if i should end it or try harder at making it work, feeling so lost rn. anyone else ever feel like they're on a fence between two extremes? how do u deal with this kind of thing in your relationships?