i kinda messed up

so i’ve been into this dd/lg thing for a couple months now. it’s pretty cool but also weird cause i’m still figuring out what exactly fits with my own boundaries and stuff. anyway, my top is really strict about the rules and all, but she trusts me to follow them even when she’s not around which is kinda nice. we have this rule that i’m not supposed to snack between meals unless she gives me permission or it’s something healthy like veggies. so yesterday morning i woke up hungry and had some fruit but then after a while i really wanted some chocolate chip cookies too. i knew she wouldn’t let me have them because they’re dessert and all, but my mouth was watering and the thought of waiting until dinner made me kinda sick to my stomach. i ended up sneaking into the kitchen when she wasn’t looking and ate three or four of the cookies. after that, i felt really guilty cause i knew it went against what we agreed on. i tried to hide any evidence but there’s this one spot on my shirt where some chocolate got on it so now every time i look at it i feel bad. she hasn’t said anything yet and i don’t know if she knows or not but i’m dreading when she does figure it out because i can tell from past experience how disappointed she gets over little things like this. even though it’s just a cookie situation, i keep thinking about all the work we’ve done on trust and responsibility. i don’t regret eating them cause honestly my body needed some sugar in that moment but now i’m stuck with this nagging feeling of being ungrateful or something. i know she won’t be mad forever but it’s gonna take a lot for me to earn back her trust again.