just me and my stupid fantasies

i guess i have this thing where im like a little doctor sometimes. yeah its weird but it just kinda happens. ive always felt small next to everyone else, like no matter what id never really be grown up enough for anything. so in this fantasy world inside my head, im this tiny young doc who does whatever hes told to by the bigger doctors. its stupid cause i am a real doctor now, 18+. shouldnt need anyone telling me what to do or thinking of myself as some kind of little kid helper, right? but when i go home from work and everything is quiet, that headspace just comes back so easily. i mean im not acting on it at all in real life - nothing like that ever happens with patients or colleagues. its just this weird place in my mind where being the little guy feels safe. kind of sad how comforting it is to pretend id still be someone elses responsibility, you know? but yeah, i dont even want to talk about it much, just getting this out here so maybe its a bit less shameful when no one else knows.