A Secret Shame

I'm just tired of hiding who I am and what turns me on. It's been months since I admitted to myself that I get off on DDLG scenes, the kind where I feel like I'm being put in my place as someone less than an equal. The vulnerability it brings out in me is both terrifying and exhilarating. Sometimes I wonder if there are others out there like me, wondering why they feel this way too but scared to explore it because of how taboo it feels. Every time I think about letting someone in on this part of myself, the fear of judgment and rejection stops me cold. Here's one thing that keeps me going: every few weeks, I find myself sneaking into a private chatroom designed for adult DDLG play, watching others engage, imagining what it would be like to just let go and join them. But I never do. It's just another secret shame I carry alone.