..Still Figuring It Out..

Well...I guess I'm just trying to make sense of everything that happened. You know...it started off as this feeling like I was in over my head, but now it's kind of grown into something else entirely... He's been playing the daddy role...strict and all...and sometimes it feels really intense... But there are days when it's just us being silly... It's confusing though, because part of me still wants to be his teacher...but then I find myself wanting so much more... Like last night...we ended up in this playful struggle...it got pretty heated...though we didn't actually cross any lines or anything...It was just enough for both of us to know that there's something there, but also scary because it could change everything if things go too far... It's like I'm learning about myself all over again...and it's not easy, you know? Sometimes I wonder if this is okay...if what we have can ever be real outside the little-space stuff... So yeah, just trying to figure out where I stand and how to keep everything honest and consensual. I'll see where things go from here...I guess that's all for now...