Why Do I Get Off on This?

I've always considered myself a fairly conventional person. In medical school and throughout my residency, everything I did was geared towards becoming a competent doctor, the kind who never questions why they do certain things and sticks to the rules laid out by authority figures. But recently, I’ve noticed a peculiar shift in my desires. It started innocuously enough, a few friends mentioned their interest in bondage and discipline, which got me thinking about it for the first time since my early 20s. I began exploring online forums dedicated to kink communities, and surprisingly, felt an attraction to the idea of having someone else take charge during intimate activities. This is where things started feeling strange. I’m not talking about full-on D/s role-play here; just the thought that another person might be in control for a moment can make me feel...excited? It’s hard to describe exactly how I feel, but there's an undeniable thrill when imagining surrendering some sense of my professional autonomy during something personal and intimate. However, this has led to some internal conflict. My mind keeps returning to why these thoughts are stirring up such a mix of anxiety and desire inside me. Is it merely the novelty? Or could it be that my years in clinical settings have left me craving a different dynamic when I’m not wearing scrubs? Am I projecting something from professional life onto my personal one? To complicate things further, there's no real plan to act on these thoughts; they remain locked away behind layers of professional discipline. But the contemplation is exhausting and occasionally exhilarating, it’s like being pulled in two different directions simultaneously. So here I am, a 35-year-old doctor, wondering if this sudden interest means something about me that I’m not ready to confront or accept fully yet. What do you think? Am I just overthinking things, or is there more to unravel here?