The Professor's Secret Admirer

I'm a college junior studying literature, and I've always been fascinated by one of my professors, Dr. Chen. She’s in her mid-thirties with an air of sophistication that draws me to her like a moth to a flame. For the past year, I’ve felt this deep connection to her, not just academically, but personally as well. It started small, with noticing the way she carries herself, then progressed to sending anonymous notes in class and leaving subtle compliments on her office door after hours. One day, as I was walking through the campus library, a note fell out of one of the books Dr. Chen had checked out earlier that week. It was crumpled and partially torn, but readable enough. The words written were hers: 'You light up my world like no one else can. Keep being you.' My heart raced as I read those lines over and over again. Since then, I've found myself in an odd position where I want to be seen by Dr. Chen, not romantically, but almost childishly eager for her approval and attention. It's strange because we're not friends outside of class; she’s a professor, after all. Yet, this yearning has only grown stronger. One day, while helping her with some research at the library late one evening, I couldn't resist any longer. As she turned away to file some papers back into a drawer, I whispered shyly, 'You inspire me every day.' She didn’t respond, and I quickly retreated from the room before we were caught. Now, I find myself torn between admiring her from afar and wanting more than just academic recognition from her. Part of me is ashamed to feel this way, but another part craves it like an addiction. Should I confess my feelings? Will she even understand that I see her as a mentor who’s also become someone incredibly special in my life? Am I the asshole here for pursuing these unspoken fantasies? Do others have similar experiences with their professors, or is this just me?