A Secret I Barely Admit To Myself

I've recently discovered an unsettling truth about myself. While my marriage has its ups and downs, like most long-term relationships, there's a part of me that craves something more intense, something secretive and perhaps even inappropriate. It started when I found myself drawn to the idea of relinquishing control completely in certain situations, but only with someone who would understand and not judge. The fantasies are growing stronger, more vivid. Is this just my imagination running wild? Or is there a deeper need here that deserves addressing? Have others felt similarly, and if so, what did you do about it?