... Am I the Asshole?

So...I've been having this really weird feeling for weeks now. It's like a part of me that has always been there but was just never acknowledged, kinda like...something in my subconscious? But it started to feel real...like when you finally face your fears head-on. Last week at the office, I caught myself staring at Sarah from accounting. She's really professional and all about her career, totally not someone I'd think twice about normally. But lately, there have been these moments where I just...want her to be my little, in a way that's so far removed from reality it makes me uncomfortable. I've read online about DDLG stuff...Dominant-Dependent Lifestyle Games or whatever they call it now. It sounds bizarre but also strangely appealing, kind of like the idea of role-playing as an authority figure with someone you respect, guiding them in ways that go beyond just being a boss at work. But here's where I get really embarrassed. Last night...I was on my laptop and stumbled upon some pretty explicit content related to this lifestyle. It went further than anything I expected, but somehow, it felt right...in a way that made me feel dirty afterward. So now I'm not sure if I should even try talking to Sarah about any of this or if it's just all in my head...Maybe there's something wrong with me and everyone else has these desires tucked away neatly inside themselves. Am I being too prudish by keeping such thoughts secret, or am I the asshole for indulging in stuff that feels so out of place? I guess what I'm asking is, should I just keep this to myself forever? Or are there others like me who are navigating these same weird feelings and coming up with their own coping mechanisms...