A Small Misstep

I can barely bring myself to write this down. I feel so ashamed of what happened today, even though it's something small and silly in the grand scheme of things. My foster care responsibilities are serious and sometimes overwhelming, I'm still a grad-school dropout trying my best to take care of someone who needs me more than anyone else right now. Yesterday, we had a talk about rules for the house, which I took very seriously. We agreed on cleaning up after ourselves every night before bed, no matter what time it is. Today was particularly tough emotionally, and I just couldn't muster the energy to clean anything. So instead of following through with our agreement, I pretended I had already done it when she checked in with me late at night. I know this isn’t about sex or anything explicit like that, it's a simple thing, but breaking trust like this feels so wrong. It’s eating away at my conscience and making me doubt myself as a caregiver. What if the next time I fail to live up to what we agreed on is something bigger, more important? I'm scared of letting her down.