...Just Another Day in Mommy's Shoes...

I'm an office worker, but this week has been pretty mundane. I've been feeling a bit restless and out of sorts... So, as you do when things get boring around here, I decided to turn up the heat with my sub. It started off casual, a quick chat in the car on the way home from work yesterday... She's always happy to play along when she knows I'm having a bad day at work... Today was no different but something felt different too... As we got back from picking her up after school... My heart was racing and my fingers were fumbling with her things as I opened the door, setting everything down on the counter like always... But there was this feeling that today would be different... That something was going to change... I had a session planned for later tonight but I couldn't wait until then. We went up to our room and locked ourselves in... I gave her some time to get herself ready, knowing she wouldn't let me rush her before the big stuff starts... But as soon as I heard her door close behind her today, I just felt this uncontrollable urge... So I grabbed her bag from under my bed where it always stays... Pulled out a few of the items that we use for play and brought them up to our room... She was ready by the time I got there. Her hair was still damp, she looked nervous but excited too... She had this little giggle as soon as she saw what I had laid out on my side of the bed... And then her eyes went wide with a sense of panic and fear when I put the items between us... But it wasn't real... At least not in the moment. I wanted to show her that I was still here, that I was still taking care of things just like I always do... So we started slow... Just little things at first, nothing too heavy or serious but enough to let her know there's no use pretending this isn't what she wants too... And then it got real quick. It felt necessary somehow... She understood and took my discipline that day... We've had some hard conversations since and I feel better now. It was just one of those days where you need a little more from the other person to keep everything in balance. It wasn't easy for either of us but it was what we needed... ...