i never told him this side of me

its been years since we started dating but only recently did i realize how much i secretly want to play a different role. sometimes when were intimate, it feels like i should be the one listening and learning instead of leading or being in control. its funny cause he's always been my rock, my protector...but deep down there are days when all i wanna do is let go and pretend im this fragile thing that needs looking after. i know hes so supportive but what if hes not ready for me to be vulnerable like this? the thought of him seeing me in such a submissive light...its scary yet kinda thrilling at the same time. im scared hes gonna push me away once he knows about this side of me. but its killing me keeping it inside.